Feelings so stong it hurts

In my recent posts I wrote how I found my person searching the web.
Now enters facebook, I saw her latest photo and I was really excited and sad to see her.

I don’t know if I should send a friend request, I care more about her and her ambitions.
I don’t want to ruin her silence which I hope is because she has to concentrate on her studies.
This make me a stalker doesn’t it? But I can’t do anything about it.

The sense of trepidation I felt I’ve not fell any time recently.
I so want to talk to her, to hear her words, to feel what she feels. But I don’t want to ruin her silence with our cultivated habit of digging out information on the web and making co-relations. You know what I’ve talking about, in order to get to the bottom of a issue we programmers dig up sister and brother problems with the even the entire class hierarchy, that
‘s what I did.

Anyway after a few shots of vodka I had the guts to call up her parents, they are the ideal picture of a happy family looking forward to a beautiful life for her daughter, the life in which I’m but a polite inconvenience. I think I understand their mindset, if I had a daughter I’d like to keep the likes of me away from her so that she could realize her potential.

It’s hard on me now, being reminded about the person I’d fallen in love with, all the while she trying to realize her dreams, keeping me out of the equation, this begs the question: am I too thick to realize that this is over for us.

Who am I kidding? I’m no better than any other pseudo programmer out there without any real skills in anything life worthy. Why should anyone waste their time on the likes of me.

I never imagined this hurts so much.

I think I’ll just have my vodka and play Patapon .

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